I haven’t talked a lot about my marriage in this blog yet. Most of what you have read here revolves around food, crafting, and, my favorite thing, COCKTAILS. I am The Boozy Housewife though, so being a wife is something I know a little about as well. Here are my 5 ‘secrets’ to a happy marriage.
Before I begin, I would like to give a bit of credit and a shout out. A couple of the photos I have used in this post, like the one below, of my hubby and me at our wedding reception, were taken by Anthony N. Camastro, a Chicago based photographer. Click HERE to visit his Facebook page and see more of his wonderful work.
1.) Find things to NOT do together.
My husband and I are both artists. I am a painter, and he is a musician. This makes it very easy for both of us to get away from one another and pour ourselves, heart and soul, into something other than each other. I cannot stress this enough. Your spouse can’t be your one and only reason for living. This puts a TON of stress on someone else when they have to shoulder the entire responsibility for making your life complete. Find a hobby that you can participate in all by yourself, or at the very least, without your spouse. This should be something that you really enjoy doing. Something that makes you feel useful, productive, and happy. This can be anything, from taking a class, volunteer work or gardening, to starting a business, light travel or activism. Anything, as long as you get a sense of accomplishment from it, and it makes you a more interesting, and interested person. When both of you have these kinds of things in your life individually, it gives you new things to talk to one another about, as well as a newfound respect for each other’s ‘me’ time. I can’t tell you how many people talk to me about feeling smothered in their relationships, especially in marriages without children. This is a great way to avoid that.
2.) The Art of the Apology
No one is perfect. You aren’t perfect, and neither is your spouse. Both of you are going to do shit that drives the other one NUTS, and you are going to do these things OFTEN. The art of the apology is simple. BE SINCERE. Don’t just passively say you are sorry in order to end the situation. Take some time with yourself examining what happened, and WHY you are sorry, and the steps you are going to take to not do this again. That way, when those words come out of your mouth, you actually mean them. Your partner knows you probably as well as they know themselves. They know that the pathetic, dismissive “Sorry” that just flew out of your mouth was bullshit. Just sayin.
3.) Loving Yourself is the Cure for Jealousy
This is the one I have the most trouble with. I have gained a crazy amount of weight since my wedding. He has too, but, this isn’t about him, it’s about me. With my self-esteem at times being caught in a landslide, I find myself doing and thinking crazy things that NEVER would have occurred to me earlier in this adventure. Things like getting angry at the thought of him having females flirting with him at his gigs, or, wondering what he’s hiding when he’s late coming home or forgets to call me. Now, I am guessing that being the smart person I know you are, you didn’t marry someone that hasn’t earned your total trust right? I didn’t either. I can tell you without one single doubt in my mind that my husband is 100% loyal. So why do I have this stuff going on in my head? It’s nothing to do with him. It’s all me. My respect for myself wavers, so does my trust in him. It’s not a coincidence. When I am down on myself, we have less intimacy. When we have less intimacy, I think more absurd things. The head games that fuck us over the worst, are the ones we play on ourselves.
4:) Cultivate Your Inner POWER COUPLE
The way you interact with other people as a couple says a lot about what goes on behind closed doors. Do you have a married couple in your life that when you think about them you just think ‘power couple’? What is it that they are doing that makes you think that way when they come into your thoughts? Ten to one it’s based on teamwork, or how they play off of each other in social situations. My husband and I met through mutual friends. Our acquaintance was super casual at first. We ‘knew who the other was’, but that was about it. It went like that for months. Then we were on the same tour with an art collective. He was playing music, and I was doing some live artwork at the shows. As the tour progressed, my art started complimenting his music, and before you know it, we were an ‘item’ and I was hand painting CD covers for the CDs as he was selling them. That same sort of behavior echoes itself in our tamer home life that we are living nowadays. When we have people over, he cooks, and I tend bar. I create pairings or cocktails that go with the food he makes, and everyone always comments on how we work so well together, we must have the perfect marriage. This power couple mentality not only makes us feel pretty great when others are talking about it, but it filters into our private life together as well, and we just habitually work in tandem at everything we do to manage our life.
5.) Don’t Forget How to PARTY
When you met, you put your best foot forward. You didn’t sweat the small stuff. Sometimes you two got downright irresponsible together. Keep that. Just because you have grown up a ton, made a home, maybe even reproduced, doesn’t mean that you can’t let your hair down and party a little here and there. Make some bad decisions together every now and then. Smoke that blunt in the backyard and laugh at each other on some humdrum night, even though you haven’t indulged since you were dating. Get sloppy drunk together and have crazy drunk sex you don’t remember the next day. Be silly. An occasional moment like this is priceless in a long life full of adulting. Remember what it was like when all you did together was have fun? Recreate that from time to time. You won’t regret it.
I hope you enjoyed these 5 reasons my marriage rocks, and I hope that something in here helps you to get the most out of your relationship, you are both awesome and totally deserve to be the happiest!